i don’t know what to call what i’m doing right now

i’m not exactly relapsing

but i don’t think i’m actively recovering either

all i know is that it feels wrong

The ED Gods said so


My dietician: Okay so how about we have you do a challenge snack of ice cream on Monday when I am there?
Me: Uhmmm I am pretty sure we have ice cream with lunch that day too so NO.
Her: Oh, my bad. I must have not got the memo from the eating disorder gods that you can’t have ice cream twice in one day. I should probably go to confession for even suggesting such a thing.

I can’t even. 

I have chosen to be well.


I have chosen to be well.

I have chosen to be strong and healthy.

I am writing this because I needed to commit. So that I have something to come back to when I stumble. A reminder.

I am going to eat. I am going to live.